never married, over forty, a little bitter


Today I found out a 42-year-old friend is currently pregnant with her second baby, and it made me feel (once again) that damn it, I deserve this “me time” I’m currently enjoying. I’ve had to deal with so many blows over being childless, and now I’m reaping at least one of the benefits– time off and to myself.

Here’s another podcast of a fantastic panel discussion on childless women:

It’s amazing to me that a little over a year ago, when I started this blog, there wasn’t much out there in cyberspace on childless women. Gateway Women was one of the few sites I had was able to find, and it was just getting off the ground, with about ten blog posts.

Now there are a number of blogs and at least two public panel discussions of the issue. I like Jody Day’s comment that she doesn’t want subsequent generations of women to have to keep reinventing the wheel on this issue. Certainly this generation has had to do so, but it is great to see such progress.


In cleaning out my files I found an article that has always stuck with me (and might have mentioned before). I have never felt sufficiently high scores in all three categories with anyone I’ve dated and thus perhaps it’s best I didn’t marry and of them:

Although a variety of factors, such as educational and cultural backgrounds, are certainly important in determining where problems arise, Weiss estimates that more than one-half of the people who consult him for long-standing marital difficulties were never sufficiently attracted to – in love with – each other in the first place.

According to Weiss’ scheme, which he shares with patients and is preparing to publish, there are three essential components of attraction that together add up to love: intellectual, emotional and sexual. A person might feel that he or she loves someone in the absence of one or more of the three, but Weiss insists that all must be present at sufficiently high levels for a relationship to have a chance – or for a therapist to be able to intervene successfully in whatever problems may develop later.


Weiss’ system is fast and totally subjective. Quickly, without thinking too long and too hard about it and without trying to find objective evidence to back up how you feel, rank your intellectual, emotional and sexual attraction to your love from one to 10 – 10 being perfect, fantastic, wow; one, virtually non-existent.

Level 1: Intellectual. “To put it popularly,” says Weiss, “how do you like this guy’s head?” Do you admire how he thinks, his attitudes, his values, what he has to say?
Level 2: Emotional. Do you feel good about the person? Are you relaxed and comfortable in his presence?
Level 3: Sexual. Do you like the way he feels, tastes and smells? Does his physical presence, his touch and his nearness make you weak in the knees?