back talk

by rantywoman

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-are-women-more-negative-about-dating-than-men/

Some of the better comments (I love that people are starting to mouth back to standard dating advice):

Ruby7

Sorry, EMK, but while your bog is directed towards women, I have read many incredibly negative comments here from male posters. I think that complaining about the opposite sex for men is still considered whiny and unmanly. Men don’t like to admit they are having trouble with women and need help.

And while I haven’t necessarily heard that “there are no good women out there”, I’ve certainly heard,” there are no good American women out there”, and men should look for more submissive women from other, usually more disadvantaged, countries. I am not seeing women, despite their complaints, rushing to other countries to seek out foreign men.

I do agree with you that women are often more vocal and open when it comes to ranting about the opposite sex, but just give men a forum (like this one) to do the same, and you’ll hear plenty of negatives, and plenty of stereotypes. I’ve been amazed at how many men have posted that any woman over thirty is yesterday’s news, that a woman’s place is in the home raising babies (so it’s not just coming from women’s mags), “advice” from the PUA crowd that focuses on using and discarding women, and so on.

nathan18

As a man who spends a lot of time reading, writing, and talking about dating and relationships, I see plenty of evidence that bitching and moaning is a two way street. It’s just that far fewer men are broadcasting their crap through dating blogs and dating forums, other than PUA sites, some of which are filled with obnoxious.

What I find interesting about these kinds of posts is that they are basically a set up. If you disagree, and you are a member of the group being attacked, then it’s used as evidence in support of the original argument. And of you a member of the group being upheld, you could say something that disproves the argument, but you will be simply dismissed as an “individual bad apple.” Or an “exception.”

Frankly, dating isn’t that easy these days for a lot of reasons. And the majority of “good people” go through periods of complaining, feeling horribly negative about the opposite sex, and the rest. I actually doubt that many of us could honestly say we haven’t been through periods like this, even the most confident and healthy amongst us.

Fiona25

I have been reading this blog and was almost buying into it until suddenly I realised what Evan is saying (paraphrasing):

As a 36 year old professional you should realise that men value youth over intelligence or success when they want children. Therefore you should accept that men don’t think you are valuable and and start dating older men less attractive, intelligent and successful than yourself or you will be alone. And when you do date these men much older (if you are not already totally depressed by having to), don’t forget to ask yourself:

“Do you go out of your way to make sure that each man who goes out with you has a positive experience? Do you make men feel good about themselves when they take you out?”

Evan with this sort of advice Is it any wonder that women are so negative about dating? You have more or less told them they aren’t going to be valued by an equal but should pander to every whim of an unequal or be alone. It is a bit like saying someone with a law degree should stop trying for a law career when times are hard and focus on a career as a waitress and don’t complain about it. No-one in their right minds would be proposing that!

I would suggest ladies that if this is true, you are better off alone! I know that it hurts and i know it is lonely (I know I am) but is having a partner for the sake of it going to make life better? Are you not just going to be lonely but lonely with someone else? Isn’t that actually worse?

Evan would be doing the world a better service if he focused on sorting out the issues of those men in their 30s who won’t date their natural biological mates (single women in their 30s) after a decade of not being ready to marry in their 20s…rather than telling all the women it is all your own fault that you are single which doesn’t really help because, despite evidence to the contrary which suggests that men in their late 30s if they are still bachelors are unlikely to marry anyone, it is myth that commitment phobes exists….oh really?

Girls, it is not your fault that you are single. It happens!

Nadia29

I agree that women are typically more critical than men, probably because we’re more verbal. (But I also suspect we are also more effusive about what makes us happy than men are.) So in the spirit of proving my own point, I will say, I would love to find a man who enjoys going down, can pay his own bills, takes good care of himself, and who isn’t a pain in the ass. But that seems like a lot to ask for from my experience.

Heather61

Sorry, EMK, but you’re not totally correct here.

I have met a TON, yes, a TON of very negative, nasty, mean men who are truly negative about dating. So many complainers, whiners, yadda yadda yadda.

It was really making me go wow, why bother with men, they just think I’m psycho, ugly, high maintenance, desperate for kids (actually I’m desperate to NOT have kids!), and wanting to marry after 2 dates.

I was just getting tired of the rudeness, misogynistic, whiny attitudes, you name it. Are we women perfect? Not by a damn longshot. But I at least TRIED to go in with a positive attitude, tried to learn, and keep my mind and heart open.

It’s no wonder why some of my female friends have just given up on dating. They’re just done with being mistreated and I certainly can’t blame them. Heck, if my current relationship doesn’t work out, I may not even bother dating, at that point. The headgames, drama, rude and thoughtless, even abusive, behaviors is making my stomach knot up just at the thought of it. Plus, remember Einsten’s theory of insanity: trying the same thing over and over, yet each time expecting a different result.

Now for the record, I’m not saying I’m perfect. I have my issues. But I at least try to be nice, attractive, kind, and a fun date. But I can’t control how a guy’s going to behave.

Michael1772

Awww man. As a guy, I’ve done my share of pointing out what I find difficult about dating women: Too guarded when you first meet them. Too focused on The Chemistry Thing (and expecting it to happen even while they are so guarded!). Too picky about the faults of the guys they go on dates with, while not seeing their own. Too inconsiderate of other people’s feelings (e.g., disappearing acts after dates where the guy put in a lot more effort than she did to make this a good date).

I still have yet to read the rest of the posts on this thread, but women have countered that the reason they act this way is only out of concern for their safety–both physical AND emotional.

Truth be told, dating is hard on about everyone. It seems that both genders treat each other horribly. Making snap negative judgements about the other person and disappearing instead of letting someone down easy. As well as pretending to be into a relationship until after the sex happens. And finally, being on your best behavior until after the other person is hooked, and then revealing your darker side. Dating sure would be easier if people would treat each other with more respect, IMO.

Heather74

Oh I agree Michael, and let me tell ya, the disappearing thing ain’t just confined to women. I’ve posted on here before how frustrated I’d get, with men who just couldn’t be bothered to be nice enough to let me down easy, instead of disappearing.

We do treat each other horribly, that I can agree with. I learned alot about how not to treat men, and I always said something to a guy that I could tell was into me, but I wasn’t into him. I rarely got that kind of treatment from guys, 99 percent of them were just rude and would tell me they’d call, and never did. But I learned hey, that’s their karma, and that will come back and bite them in the ass. All I can control is my behavior, and treat a guy as I would want to be treated.

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