indignities
by rantywoman
I don’t think I’ve aged out of dating per se, but I do feel I’ve aged out of the dating game. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a woman at my stage of life to spend loads of time second-guessing and analyzing a man’s behavior or playing “hard to get.” I find it unbecoming and just flat out boring. The story always boils down to “why is he acting uninterested” and the answer “because he’s not really interested.”
If competing and playing games to “land” a diminishing resource is the only game in town, though, then I might have aged out of dating. I do, however, know of good marriages that have occurred among older partners who are the same age, so I don’t think it’s totally hopeless.
http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2011/01/22/aging-out-or-giving-up-women-over-50-dating-life/
Certainly, one night’s decision to stay in where it’s warm and comfortable doesn’t make for a trend. But the fact that online sites are no longer a viable means to meet people is. For a woman at 50, odds are she’ll be hearing from the occasional man in his 60s and some in their 70s. Trust me on that. It’s the age-old age issue.
Men her own age? That’s a no.
So do women age out of online dating, rather than dating altogether?
If that’s the case, and you no longer have the typical social outlets for meeting people, then what?
Do you accept that the rest of your life without a partner – casual or otherwise – is the way it will be?
Hello Bitter Babe. As you’ve linked to my musing on this subject (from a place of extraordinary frustration), I have a few words to add.
I believe we do age out of “effective” online dating. The situation may be worse in some regions than others, depending upon the demographics of male / female and age.
I certainly aged out in my part of the country, yet ironically, that isn’t / wasn’t the case in Europe where the whole package is more important than the year of your birth or any other item-by-checklist.
I had, in fact, assumed I’d aged out of dating altogether. That wasn’t the case, as it turns out. But I did have to resort to more active forms than the online world – not easy when your lifestyle (as it is for many of us) involves time in a home office.
I said – and do say – yes to almost any occasion to meet new people. Not just men – people. One of those yeses in the Real World resulted in meeting a wonderful (age-appropriate) man.
I don’t think about whether or not it is forever. I enjoy it – for however long it lasts (and it’s lasted for awhile now). What this has taught me appropriate beyond the dating world, reminding me that I thrive on new people, new experiences, and learning from all of it. I say “yes” whenever I can reasonably manage – and that includes to making new friends.
Hi, thanks for writing! I apologize for not writing a “reposting” on your blog– I was running late for work and had intended to go back and do those tonight for everything I posted.
I love your thoughtful (and heartening!) reply.
Also, do you live in Europe now or are you still in the U.S.?
I too find that I do much better meeting men in real life than I do online, where it’s mostly crickets.