never married, over forty, a little bitter


I started watching the television show Girls and find it brilliant. I still fear that older single women have disappeared from our screens again, but nonetheless, Lena Dunham has done a remarkable and compelling job at portraying just how young these young women are.

And they are young. The idea that they should, at 24, realize that no matter how undeveloped they are in the rest of their lives, they are at their height of their romantic appeal and so should immediately seize a guy (and few their age seem to be likely candidates) and lock themselves into marriage and children seems a bit ludicrous. Yet that is still what many people think and how society to a certain extent still operates:

great minds

My friend is having a second date. They’ve been texting each other like billio and have acknowledged that they are both too grown-up to play games. They have had startlingly honest conversations already about sex and marriage and what they both want. No time, at our age, to beat about the bush. We just must lay our cards on the table and push on.


I don’t think I’ve aged out of dating per se, but I do feel I’ve aged out of the dating game. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a woman at my stage of life to spend loads of time second-guessing and analyzing a man’s behavior or playing “hard to get.” I find it unbecoming and just flat out boring. The story always boils down to “why is he acting uninterested” and the answer “because he’s not really interested.”

If competing and playing games to “land” a diminishing resource is the only game in town, though, then I might have aged out of dating. I do, however, know of good marriages that have occurred among older partners who are the same age, so I don’t think it’s totally hopeless.

Certainly, one night’s decision to stay in where it’s warm and comfortable doesn’t make for a trend. But the fact that online sites are no longer a viable means to meet people is. For a woman at 50, odds are she’ll be hearing from the occasional man in his 60s and some in their 70s. Trust me on that. It’s the age-old age issue.

Men her own age? That’s a no.

So do women age out of online dating, rather than dating altogether?
If that’s the case, and you no longer have the typical social outlets for meeting people, then what?
Do you accept that the rest of your life without a partner – casual or otherwise – is the way it will be?

human behavior

“Facebook gives you the ability to construct yourself in a positive manner, link yourself with friends, and make those displays of connection public. You’re telling the whole world, ‘These are my friends, or members of my family. This is how close we are. Here are photographs of the things we do together.’ That’s where people usually anchor their self-worth.”

Writing in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Toma and Hancock examine Facebook usage through the prism of self-affirmation theory. “According to this theory, all human beings have a fundamental need of feeling self-worth—to feel that you’re a valuable member of society,” Toma explained. “Deep down, everyone wants to believe they’re a good person.”