unsolved mysteries
by rantywoman
I haven’t heard again from the blind date dude, so I’m assuming I won’t. It was difficult for me to fit in that date with him with everything else I have going on, but I suppose I don’t regret it. He’s had a dream career, and I enjoyed hearing about it. I’ve just gotten to the point that I hate dates with people I don’t know and would much prefer to chat up someone at a show or in a class or at my job. I’m tired of the feeling of being placed under a microscope absent any context of work or play.
I’ve written about this before, but another thing I’ve grown weary of is the feeling that it’s impossible for me to learn anything from these dates. I have no idea if this man’s disappearance has anything whatsoever to do with me, or if it does, if it’s anything I could or would want to change about myself. In any case, I’ll never know.
I’m keeping up my resolution of trying something new every week, and in that spirit, I attended a small, offbeat gathering this weekend. I’m pretty sure one of the attendees was a man I wrote on an online dating site years ago when I first moved to town. I felt he had the most compatible profile I’d come across, but he didn’t respond. A month or so later, I saw him on a different site and tried again, explaining that I was writing a second time because I felt we would have a lot in common and so it was worth another shot. Again, no response.
He remains a mystery as well. Oh well. He wasn’t as cute in person.
thebitterbabe 
Is the blind date dude the guy who was a catch in the “illusions” post? Have you tried contacting him? I agree, it should be up to the guy (at least sometimes) but if you’re leaving you may as well. Maybe he’s inept at communication..rather than because he doesn’t like you. Or, Is he a player? (married, but took of the ring, etc)
He’s not married, but he might be divorced, and I don’t know how long. After the date I wrote and thanked him and said I had fun, and he replied the next morning that he had fun as well. Then… nothing. It’s been about five days. I understand the impulse to kiss someone goodnight– it’s fun– but it certainly sends the wrong message if you’re not interested! I guess guys just operate differently that way. I know my gay male friends go on dates and hook up without any expectation that they will see the guy again.
According to this woman, you should never email a “thanks” after a date, but honestly, I’m a little exhausted by all these “rules,” and I think if a guy was interested, that wouldn’t be a deal-breaker:
http://www.alexandrafriedman.com/2010/12/05/confident-women-dating-mistakes/
I don’t know if it’s a generational thing, or a chromosomal thing, or what, but I must also reluctantly agree that the most success I’ve had dating-wise is with guys who took the first step, sent the first text back after a date, etc. Which of course sucks when you’re going through a dry dating spell or feel a strong spark with someone…. In my experience, guys are a lot more direct than women about acting on their desires/interests and it’s relatively easy to know where you stand if you go by what they do when unprompted. Then again, I may be biased because I tend to prefer extroverted go-getters (both friendship and romantically speaking) to shy/ introverted types, so if I take the initiative, ie play the “yang” role in initiating a date, it sort of sends out the wrong message with regard to the personality type that I am and the type that I am looking for.
I guess I feel it’s just polite to send a “thank you” email after a date. I’m sure you are right, but I still think that if a guy is interested, a simple “thank you” text isn’t going to scare him off. Maybe so though if he’s on the fence or more interested in playing the field.
I do feel way too old for this kind of stuff. It feels undignified at my stage in life to try to be “decoding” behavior.