congrats
by rantywoman
This is interesting because I do feel some sort of obligation to post the fun things I do as a single woman on Facebook as a way to “represent”:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/facebook-project-congratulates-single-people
When yet another friend announced an anniversary on Facebook, to a chorus of congratulations, writer Jenn Leyva decided to do something different. She realized that “there’s no really public way to tell single people they’re awesome,” so she started using Facebook to publicly congratulate her friends on leading full and happy single lives.
thebitterbabe 
…that’s all well and good but I wonder if if this is not the very root of the problem (and, if you don’t mind my saying so, a very American one). There seems to be this need to have to show off/congratulate etc among Facebookers – and this airbrushed reality is not going to improve with more people joining the fray. What’s the point? Why do people need congratulations to their Facebook posts? Single or Married? I just cannot fathom why anyone would need this?
“She realized that “there’s no really public way to tell single people they’re awesome,” so she started using Facebook to publicly congratulate her friends on leading full and happy single lives.”
If their leading full and happy lives they won’t need some person patronizing them (which is what it is in reality) about how great they are. And who is the intended audience? Other Facebookers and Twitterites that need this reaffirmation? It’s like a self-selecting group of people – everyone that Doesn’t need this is probably not on Facebook/Twitter and or, if they are – their need for this is likely to increase in direct proportion to the time spent on it.
There is a whole world out there – amazing, interesting people – a multitude of different cultures, religions, traditions, world views, environments and horizons. And yet, some woman has decided that a good use of her time – of this limited and finite time we have on earth, when – as it is! – it isn’t possible to fit in all the amazing thins to do/be – is to: “publicly congratulate her friends on leading full and happy single lives.” ??
It’s ridiculous. What a waste of time. I could care less what people think – yes, I like people, I have friends, but I don’t live my life in relation to what they think and I cannot abide Facebook or twitter. Ok, and I realise I’m not the intended audience because I’m not single – but it would still annoy me senseless. I remember Melanie Nonkin (sp?) did this a while ago – got some “Aunt day” passed in the US..and again whats the point? There is Mother and Father’s day – yes, I grant you – and if a woman means a lot to a child, then they will always express that (regardless if there is a day for it – which is purely just for marketing)- but now there needs to be an “aunts day” ? ok, what about an Uncle’s day? Or Great Friend day? Or Amazing Neighbour day? The list is endless. This need for affirmation stems from insecurity – and if people weren’t on Facebook – and using their time more wisely (by which I mean in ways that actually Make them happy) – they wouldn’t need to be “perked up” by some random woman. Whose opinion – in reality – means nothing.
I don’t know you Ranty – although you seem cool and someone I’d be friends with – and I know you use Facebook as a way to connect with people/events – which I think is a great idea…but I think Facebook is insidious…and I really do think that human contact is better. I don’t mean to sound patronising here – although I probably am anyway (sorry! I really don’t mean to, I’m probably not expressing myself very well) – but I 100% think that what you will be getting from Facebook is a loss…and what you would gain by human contact would be much more. There are sooo many groups out there – one of my very best experiences (and I’m NOT a group person) was with an NGO I used to volunteer with years ago..what about sailing clubs? or anything that takes you Outside of yourself. I know you say you do Yoga – but that’s introspective and you clearly need – like us all! – to have human contact or you wouldn’t need to use Facebook to begin with. Doing something you have never done before and think you may not like even..and then stick with it for at LEAST a month – don’t bail after the first visit as it is definitely Not possible to see how things will turn out based on the first impression. There are better cities than LA – really, San Fran and Austin are much more conducive to happiness and human connections.
ps – if you liked that John Butler guy’s music – listen to Alexi Murdoch’s (‘Away we go’ and ‘Ragged sea’)
Mia,
I agree on one hand– that as adults we shouldn’t need public affirmation– but on the other hand I wonder if there is something innately human about our need to be “celebrated” by the community. As in, that’s why we have public ceremonies for rites of passage such as marriage and pregnancy.
I do think that congratulating someone on their single life is bringing attention to their status as “uncoupled” and maybe it’s better to just congratulate them on something specific, like buying a house or getting a promotion or whatever. But, it is a novel idea and an interesting one.
Yes, I agree that there is something innately human about wanting a connection – which in today’s world is often only possible via affirmation or public recognition. The celebrity culture in many parts of the world is out of hand – and I think has played a part in changing the idea of what’s normal and what people need and deserve (a bit like weight – 50 years ago a size 12 was normal – now it’s a size 4..). And of course, on one hand, what’s the problem – everyone (me included) likes to told they are doing well, etc.
But my issue is that it masks a larger problem, which is this loss of real human interaction and contact (warts and all) for this airbrushed “brave new world”. It’s a bit like parenting – it’s gotten out of hand, and now you’re supposed to praise your kid for Everything they do…but on closer reflection (as new research and common sense is also realising) this is not helpful for kids – it’s not healthy and it doesn’t help them develop….praise yes, of course – but not every second all the time. So, I think this need to have affirmation is probably much more intense now than it was 10 years ago, and then again 10 years before that – and there is a point at which people have to say “stop!”. Where people have to be able to withstand some insecurity, some reality – without a need for the safety blanket of constant affirmation, because This is life. Otherwise you may as well be living the matrix.
The other issue I have with this women is that, while I fully agree that it is “innately human about our need to be “celebrated” by the community” – she’s not the “community” and the celebration is not necessarily deserved and certainly not unbiased. What makes real community celebration important – whether it be science, art, theory etc is that this benefits us all. For example people that are accomplished enough to do a TED talk – celebration from this Is well deserved..but this is also likely to be balanced with criticism and opposing views. Having the need to have a women/friend/whatever “celebrate” single people on Facebook does not come from the same place (e.g. just reward, hard work, tenacity, the ability to Not have affirmation, the ability to keep going likely in the Face of criticism) it comes from narcissism, egotism, insecurity and a complete inability to be able to “be” without it – or, as Dr Seuss once said, without it “coming in baskets, ribbons and bows”.
I think this kind of need for affirmation is a zero sum game. Far better, to realise – as Chrissie hynde once said “if you believe the good, you’ll believe the bad and it will destroy you” (or at least hurt). It may be a cliche, but ultimately, to have real happiness you must believe in yourself.
I agree about this “airbrushed” version or reality!
Also, I always liked weddings that were fun for everyone and were not just about the bride and groom being the center of attention.
* they’re leading!