I spoke with a friend of mine today, a never-married woman who has spent the last several years on the opposite coast working in a prestigious position. She is around my age, fit and attractive and well-educated.
We both admitted that we are unhappy but afraid to leave posts that have provided us with decent incomes, impressive identities, and access to people high on the food chain. None of this has done us one iota of good socially or romantically, however, and we are both stressed out, frustrated, and ready for a change. I confessed that in my heart, I have become extremely envious of people in much less “desirable” jobs but with much less stress in their work lives.
My potential year of idling is morphing into a year of big, big change.
Your last post (The Flip) and this one really resonated with me. I am 50, never married, child-free (given that I’ve ended up un-coupled it’s a good thing that I never wanted children), have what most people would consider an enviable career, I live in a big, exciting city, and yet I alternate between numb and utterly miserable. Yes, I’ve tried anti-depressants, and while they took the edge off for a bit, the problem is that I’m not so much depressed as just unhappy and for THAT there’s no medication. I hope you find a respite from your stressful job. (Mine is an anxiety-inducing horror show, but it’s the only thing I know how to do for a living….)
I think that’s why I’ve never been to therapy… I’m basically healthy and well-adjusted and perceptive, but my job is problematic and I see no reliable way out of the dating doldrums, so what can therapy really help me with?
I’m not really trained to do anything else either, but I’m thinking that I’ve managed to save a decent amount of money and own some real estate, so I’m just going to see what happens… worse comes to worst, I end up back in my same career but in a lower, less stressful position.
I’ve said it before, but men in prestigious jobs tend to have their pick of partners… not so for women, esp. because by the time we move up, we are older and experience ageism. So there doesn’t seem to be a lot of reward for the stress.
The bitter boob is back… serious question. Given the present choices embraced by the typical American woman nowadays do you think you would have been happier divorced with 2 kids, a house you can’t afford to leave, and a child support check? Is this fulfilment? Had you married but been no wiser would this reality really be an improvement?
After reading a few posts you are obviously unhappy but have only a vague idea why this is and no real plan to address it other than to keep doing what you are doing. The assumption is what is missing is children and a husband but given the present age and your value system what makes you think this wouldn’t be just you with an ex-husband (who SO deserved the ass raping he got – it’s his fault I had that affair) and HIS two mentally damaged children on ritalin? Now of course one can’t say that this would happen but since avoiding it is a function of wisdom and making the right choices and you haven’t made correct choices you are happy with up until now, why would changing this one element (kids/marriage) really improve things especially if these are so egg shell fragile and easily subject to destruction?
Oh I agree… such is my ambivalence over marriage and kids in the current economic situation. It can be tough either way.
Every girl wants to be a bride, not many wish to be a wife. This is the quicksand you are experiencing. As a gentleman in his 50’s, good career, ex wife long gone, kids in their mid to late 20’s, life is quite good. There is no shortage of ladies much younger than myself to meet, but I wonder if they are shadows of your pasts. As for ladies my own age, most are broken because of their bizarre life choices, and like others I have heard, they now acknowledge that tossing their husband, or the guy who really was the right choice, was the worst thing in the world they could have ever done. My suggestion to you all is to get a motorcycle and explore north america. Take time off work, go fishing, learn to fix your brakes on your car. In all of that, you might meet someone.
I plan to do the things you mention but don’t have any expectations that Mr. Right is going to materialize. Never say never, but I don’t plans on that anymore.
Oh Ranty- just get out of this vast entitled screwed up landscape that is Los Angeles. Go up to North Dakota or something, don’t let yourself get lost in a job and be open to who will make you happy/ satisfied.
You for possibilities not conclusions.
Your life is waiting
Abby, I agree and your comment reminds me of that wonderful quote by Rudyard Kipling:
“Something hidden, go and find it. Go and look behind the Ranges – Something lost behind the ranges. Lost and and waiting for you. Go!”