the secret

by rantywoman

One of my intentions for the coming year is to “wobble” less, and I’ve already been challenged on two fronts.

First, I attended a party at the home of a woman just a few years younger than me.  Her house is large and lovely, her husband is cute, and her kids are adorable, while I am currently living in an apartment with a sheet over one of the windows because the blinds broke and I haven’t found the time to deal with it.  Surprisingly, though, this situation didn’t knock me off my center, as this woman is sensible and gracious and, I realize, has worked much harder on developing a high-powered professional career than I ever have.

The second situation did wobble me a bit.  I am acquainted with a man around my age who is not quite financially solvent and has some health issues but is nonetheless charming, sweet, intellectually stimulating, ambitious (in his way), and in possession of that rare ability to treat a woman like an equal conversational partner.  He went through a breakup with an amazing woman last year and fretted about finding another girlfriend.  It was hard for me not to say, “GIVE ME A BREAK.  You will have another girlfriend in five minutes.”  And so it has come to pass.  In less than a year, he is with another woman, someone he is very excited about.  Not someone whom he finds uncomfortably older than him, or whom he likes but does not find physically appealing, or any of the other compromises that women are routinely expected to make.  Someone who excites him.

Yes, wealthy men will always find partners.  But the truth is, interesting men, wealthy or not, will always find them too.  Sometimes I think that all a man has to possess to be a hot commodity is the ability to truly converse with a woman and recognize her humanity.

This brings me to my second intention this year, which is to let go of my pessimism.  It’s not that it’s unwarranted, but in the end, it doesn’t do me much good, and it seems to have a negative impact on my health.  So although I will forgive myself my situation because I feel that the dating odds are skewed, I will try not to dwell on it, hope for the best, and enjoy myself in the meantime.

This is where yoga, breathwork, and meditation has helped me.  I feel soft and relaxed, more physically flexible than ever, and more able to focus my thoughts.  I always had a lot of beef with the “laws of attraction,” believing that it was a blame-the-victim mentality.  I still don’t buy that one can change one’s material circumstances through “thought.”  Yes, being more content and less stressed likely makes a person more attractive, but it doesn’t guarantee anything.  The only thing I believe one can hope to gain is to simply feel better, regardless of one’s circumstances.

Which, of course, is no small thing.