A few days ago I was in a great mood, looking forward to this long holiday weekend. Had I spent the entire five days off by myself during the day and with friends in the evening, I would be having an ecstatically good time. Instead, my mother is staying with me, and her visit, to say the least, has been a challenge, so the weekend has been dampened a bit. I was apprehensive about her coming, and rightly so, but felt I owed her this one visit a year. It’s ironic that my holidays would be more enjoyable without family!
It’s funny, isn’t it, how so many of us long to escape our nuclear families and our often-stifling suburban backgrounds only to rush ourselves right back into the same situations as adults? Maybe we give ourselves a few years of fun in college and after, but then we start feeling like it’s time to return to the nuclear fold. My ambivalence is, I’m sure, another reason I am still flying solo, as well as the fact that it’s taken me longer than others, perhaps, to emotionally recover and strengthen.
I won’t allow myself to spend too much time in self-pity, but I do feel sad that, as a single woman, I don’t come from the type of family that provides emotional succor. I realize, however, that my situation is hardly unique.
Let’s just say these links have been helping me cope:
And although I’m not Asian, this one too:
Coincidentally, my mood was also (temporarily) dampened for part of this weekend by the co-owner of the BnB I was staying in – In the space of a 1-2 hour conversation, that man managed to press pretty much every single button I have (esp on issues concerning my current / default state of singledom), and left me to (unbenownst to him of course) cry myself to sleep that night like a total loveless loser. Luckily I managed to rally and have a great time with friends the following two days, but the whole incident made me realize just how sensitive I still am about certain topics I thought I was coming to terms with, like the rarity of long term relationships in my life, my likely childless future,etc. Am I even “equipped” as a human being to fall in love? Gah.
Sorry about that. What a bummer. My mom has a tendency to do things like that as well. Although I try to avoid situations that will press my buttons, I do feel a bit stronger in dealing with them when they happen now, and I bounce back faster. Glad he didn’t ruin your weekend!