never married, over forty, a little bitter

the best things

Yeah, why is just making love and having fun such a chore sometimes?

Like, why can’t people just hang out and enjoy each other and not let
all their baggage get in the way? 

Like, we could probably be doing that
right now, but, you know, it’s so much of a commitment, and it would
then “mean something,” and there would be all kinds of “expectation”…

And why is everybody so busy all the time that they don’t have time in
life for the “best things in life that are free”?

Really, i think all these “issues” around “relationship” are just
another way that “they” can control us and ruin all of the fun we could
be having. It’s just another way, now that sex before marriage is no
longer a big taboo, to turn the most precious things in life into yet
another commodity that can be controlled and manipulated and people can
make a profit from.

All worthwhile spiritual issues to consider, as long as you’re on that

year’s end

Several months before I started this blog, on a day when I had reached the apex of my grief over being single and childless, I called a much younger friend in need of a shoulder to cry on.  She said she couldn’t talk because she was running out to meet a date.  She didn’t call back, but over the coming months, I was informed by her Facebook page that she had become serious with someone and was traveling to exotic locations with him.  Soon after she posted on Facebook that they had moved in together.

She missed a big event of mine, but invited me to their housewarming party via Evite.  I went, but we spoke few words.  She came to my second event, and we spoke a little in a group setting, and the following summer I went to a party she put on with several others, and we exchanged a few words there.  A few months later and about a year after our initial phone conversation, I was informed of her engagement via Facebook, and months later was sent a handwritten postcard invitation to the wedding after- party, which I placed on my desk and then avoided dealing with for weeks.

I decided to extend one olive branch and asked over email if she wanted to meet up for lunch.  She responded enthusiastically but cancelled at the last minute, claiming fatigue from wedding planning.

So the big day is drawing nigh.  My mother will be in town, and I found a holiday event I think she would love that is the exact same night.

After some back and forth, I have decided to go to the holiday event with my mother and a few single female friends.  I sent a nice excuse and a gift.

Phew.  It’s done.

There is some residual guilt, but were I to attend her party, would I ever spend real time with her, or even see her, again?  Unlikely.