never married, over forty, a little bitter


W. told me it was a “tormenta” (a torment) when I left. He has forced himself to move on. He told me, “You helped me dream, but now I am over the illusions, I am in reality. Life is routine everywhere, so why not here in my country where I have everything I need?” He will stay in Colombia. It is very hard for a Colombian to visit the US in a post 9/11 world. And for me to live in Colombia is difficult, considering my celiac.

I feel very sad. I have been sobbing intermittently. I just want to be quiet. No big socializing, just my tango lessons and preparing my food. We get this message that when you feel love, you are supposed to just go for it, no matter what, but going for it in this case feels like it comes with too high a personal cost. That my health would be compromised, that certain parts of me would be erased in a world so unlike my own if I were to live way out in his working-class neighborhood near the airport in Bogota.


Researchers surveyed 1500 people to find out about their relationships and how they’re affected by the pressures of modern parenting. More than 40% of respondents said that having children has driven them apart (compared with 33% who said children have actually brought them closer together).

From my own experience and that of my friends, I see it as a combination of the two: on the one hand, we sit and marvel at these little beings we’ve created and, well, if that doesn’t bond a couple then I don’t know what will. On the other hand, parenting is a lot of work and often requires the patience of a saint. It’s trying stuff, and so many couples I know become more like business partners than anything else (which sucks). So I can see both sides here. Nonetheless, the fact remains that many couples are splitting up because of the stresses of parenthood – and according to this latest study, they’re certainly not riding out the storm.

Not surprisingly, almost 80% said their relationship suffered as a result of exhaustion caused by caring for kids. Other causes include money worries or debt, as well as a lack of time together sans kids. Meanwhile, half admit that the spark seems to have left their relationship and 46% say that the lack of sex post-delivery created difficulties.

Another big factor is that many couples are meeting later in life and then having children right away, but they haven’t spent time getting to know each other. In fact, one in 20 couples surveyed said they were expecting a baby within three months of getting together and 15% within a year.

“Relationships are tough at the best of times, but add in young children, lack of time, work and money worries and it’s little surprise couples are splitting up earlier than ever before,” said Netmums founder Siobhan Freegar. “There is unprecedented pressure on women to be the perfect wife, mother and career woman while men are feeling more and more unsure of their role.”

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So it was revealed last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that Kyle’s husband is raking it in; I guess he is worth about 100 million:

It’s hard to comprehend, given that they are both attractive but just so ordinary.  Not particularly smart or witty– Kyle is not even a Bethenny-level wit.

I can’t begin to just “let it go” politically when it comes to the ridiculous level of inequality we exist with here, but I can do so emotionally by realizing that no matter how much money someone has, they still only get one life.  They still abide by the laws of time and space like everyone else.

Meaning, you can be a wealthy Beverly Hills wife/mother/socialite but you probably also can’t be a dedicated bookworm, or a serious surf bum, or a downtown scenester, or an archaeologist, or any other lives one can dream up.

In short, you can have it all but still not have it all.  So there, 1%!