My mother sent me one of those dating advice articles via email with the note that “it’s always the woman that has to do this or that to get a man.” Acknowledging the unfairness of that is a big step for her!
This post harkens back to Eva Illouz’s Why Love Hurts; it does feel to me like dating has just become too damn much work for women. In addition to maintaining a career, getting to the gym, enhancing my appearance, and developing my own hobbies (all of which I would be doing anyway), I have to “get out there” (which I do) as well as get myself to stuff that normally doesn’t interest me to meet new men (which I no longer do). While engaging in these activities, I should remember the ways I am supposed to “act” in order to attract a man. Additionally, I should be paying for and spending time on online dating sites, although the whole experience has started to feel like playing the lottery.
I’m sticking to my (relatively new) stance that meeting someone for whom there is mutual attraction should not feel like a job for which there is stiff competition. If I lose out, so be it.
I can’t say I will never pop into an online dating site again, but I won’t linger on one. While I may be somewhat like an unusual trinket put up for sale on Craiglist in the hopes that timing and luck will align, I grew tired of feeling like I was more of a misshapen sweater that has been sent to the remainder bin. I certainly don’t need to spend time and money to feel that way.