For years I was intensely frustrated that, no matter how “proactive” I was, I simply did not seem to be able to change the pattern of my life and get the things I really wanted. No matter how many jobs I tried, I couldn’t find one that gave me a reason to get up in the morning. No matter how much I “got out there” or how many online dating sites I sampled, I couldn’t find a suitable partner. Then I would see other people find these things without, seemingly, lifting a finger.
There are systemic reasons why these things are easier for some than for others as well as a large measure of luck. I have found a good deal of peace and happiness, however, through a few things I can control. I’m loathe to give advice, but if I were to dispense any to the tired, jaded, and lovelorn, it would be this (all three of which are connected):
1) Find ways to explore what your body can do that don’t involve a partner. Given that most of us will spend some portion of our lives without one, it’s nice to know that there are other avenues of physical pleasure. Dance, swimming, yoga, gymnastics, playing an instrument, meditating, running– they are all alternative ways to explore and be amazed by your physicality. Also, concentrating on what your body can do, as opposed to what it looks like is, makes for much stronger motivation to get moving.
2) Find something creative you really enjoy doing outside of what you do for a living. Writing, knitting, podcasting, painting, fixing up motorcycles, cooking, acting in a play, woodworking, singing–they can all give you a reason to get out of bed whereas most jobs can’t.
3) Keep the big picture in mind. I’m not someone who is into traditional religion, but thinking of this life as a dress rehearsal of sorts provides some much needed perspective. Besides church, there’s meditation, astronomy, philosophy, metaphysics, etc. It’s hard to take OKCupid too seriously when you have these other things on your mind.