imaginary friends
by rantywoman
I’ve been excited by a book I’ve been reading recently, have become interested in a new poet, and am looking forward to a documentary that is releasing soon. I was posting about some of these things on my Facebook page this week and noticed once again all the status updates from friends on their children and new babies.
It’s no wonder I’m so. damn. lonely.
Finally getting through my tunnel of grief over my childless state, it’s coming into stark relief that my former “idea” friends are now consumed with keeping their families afloat. I’m left feeling like some kind of eccentric madwoman, having conversations in my head with writers, activists, and performers I don’t actually know, many of whom, if I met, wouldn’t have time for me either because they are consumed by their own families.
I don’t have addictions, I’m emotionally healthy and smart and perceptive and a good friend, and I’m frustrated once again at finding myself (still) in this isolation tank. I tell myself that it’s situational, but it’s hard not to recall all the times in my youth when I felt left out and disconnected and think of them now as a sign.
thebitterbabe 
I think you mentioned once that you don’t like meetup groups— but there are lots of book clubs, discussions groups etc to be found on the meet up site. Also all museums have open disscussions about exhibits– as well as classes.
Have you thought about a class at UCLA extension?
Samantha,
I have joined a meetup discussion group that is related to my job, and I do get something out of it and enjoy it. Generally, though, for me, meetups tend to provide “company” as opposed to “real connection.” In L.A. they may be a different animal than elsewhere though. I read once that UCB did a skit about meetup groups consisting primarily of middle-aged women looking for men… ouch. I did join a tennis one that was almost all men and got some good games out of it but it seems to have died down.
I get the UCLA catalog as a result of a friend of mine saying she made friends and got dates from her writing class. The problem once again is my job– I work a lot of evenings and weekends so most classes are out unless they are “drop-in.” If I ever write anything besides this blog, I should try to join a writing group, as I have seen friendships form from those. In the meantime, I’m back to one-off events…
I would agree with this. Meetups want to do what interests them and if they match it would be an excellent way to meet potential friends. As for “company” vs “real connection” I am not sure what you mean by that but the only way to make new friends is do be around new people of similar values and ideas and that is an excellent way of doing it. At first they will be “company” but later, a faction of them could be potential friends.
I’ve met a lot of my friends thru volunteering and then one activist thing.
I third the idea of doing a Meetup. I’ve done a couple so far for board game nights. While I haven’t been to enough to make a connection with anyone yet, I have been having fun and the people I’ve met seem nice.
The people may seem like “company” at the beginning, but after attending a few you may start finding those real connections. I’m sure there’s got to be one that works with your work schedule.
I read onetime that to make friends it often takes regular contact. Sometimes it just takes going to the same place/event over and over and then you become more familiar. Reason why so many friendships are started from neighbors and work. Of course we have to fit it all into our lives.
Yes, I feel like the people I work with like me, and it has helped socially that I now have a much bigger staff (although I’m the boss, so that is a bit complicated). I do feel like if I have regular contact with people I do okay.
Glad you are having some fun with them. I’d like to get the tennis thing going again. For better or worse, there are a lot of events coming up that I’m trying to cram into my weekends (mostly solo ventures, but I’m still looking forward to them), so other stuff will be put on the back burner until next month or so.
At the reunion I was happy to see everyone but there were only a few people I could see really connecting to… I think that’s typical of life in general.
Being an introvert, I resisted MeetUps for a long time but the loneliness eventually drove me out of my comfort zone. I found one I really, really liked. It’s a spiritual group and one in which I found myself able to speak freely and comfortably in a group, maybe for the first time ever. I have been so disappointed … the ‘leader’ of the group (it’s his MU group, held in his home) friended me on FB and was offended by some political stuff I had posted. There was a bit of an exchange, and now I don’t feel welcome going anymore. It’s mostly in my own head, he would probably feel bad if he knew I felt this way, but, I feel like the damage is done.
That is disappointing. I am sorry. It’s really too bad that something such as different politic opinions can ruin relationships. But it’s the way our culture is nowadays.
What I have decided, since I am independent and can probably offend both sides, is that I only discuss politics with those who want to discuss it with me and where I feel safe enough to do so. I am very choosy. In fact, I don’t even discuss it at length with my bf because we don’t agree. I just don’t go there with most people. I wish it weren’t the case but the reality is most people are not tolerant of different opinions and they will like you less. If there are other positive things from the relationship I appreciate those and just do not go into politics. I may be gentle in a suggestion, hinting that I may not feel the same, but truthfully, most of them do not get the hint. They never ask how I feel anyways and I just change the subject.
Thanks, YG. Your last statement is so true … “They never ask how I feel anyway …”. So often, people seem to talk ‘at’ one another, rather than truly connecting or talking ‘with’ one another. It feels like we are becoming more and more disconnected, as a society. Or, maybe that’s just my experience : /
It’s not just your experience, I feel the same way about this. I feel that people are so busy trying to talk that they don’t take the time to listen. I’ve seen this in office environments where people think they’re more important than one another and rush each other when talking by interrupting every five words with “yeah, yeah, yeah,” I’ve seen this in social gatherings where I’ll say something repeatedly because the person I’m talking to never bothered to listen the first time, and I see this nonsense period.
No one wants to listen and communicate anymore.
It’s interesting I’ve come across a lot of these people. Both male and female. I don’t even think they realize they are doing it. There is a lack of awareness that is for sure.