the bitter boob
by rantywoman
I just received this comment today; I’m posting it because it is entirely representative of a certain male anger out there, and I figure if I give it a spotlight these men can then refrain writing in from their scary basement apartments (how I always picture them), shouting the same points over and over and over ad nauseum (although I doubt they will). Never mind that he is responding to my post “instability,” which is referencing an article written by a man– those subtleties are lost on him because he just can’t wait to write in and reiterate his points about cat ladies, feminists, career women, the cock carosel (misspelled naturally), and “aging prunes”.
So one last time, here we go (all future comments along these lines will go directly to the trash):
| “We live such long lives now, yet our social world has failed to keep up.”There have *always* been cat ladies. Thing is these represented the exception to the rule not the majority. The wages of feminism, of wasting your youth pursuing a career, riding the cock carosel, and in putting off having a family to claw up the corporate ladder for a job you don’t want all to appease the ‘you go grrl’ feminazis has produced a large crop of very bitter fruit. Now we are supposed to feel sorry for you?“I first felt this when male peers passed me over as “too old” to date when I was only in my thirties, and I feel it now, when it is so difficult to find anyone at all in my forties, and I consider the idea of spending decades alone.”Well cupcake maybe some wisdom tweenty years ago would have helped you – too bad you didn’t have any. You *used to have* the looks to attract a man but you squandered this and now you are an aging prune with no prospects. You spent all your best years screaming and scheming for promotions and only now figure it out that men do NOT care about your many advanced degrees and posh corporate position? Despite the rhetoric you can’t have it all – husband/family OR posh corporate office. You chose, now you regret. A man would get no sympathy for such a decision and since its all about equality I will certainly not offer any myself. And yes, as a 42 year old male with a good job I would pass on you for a much younger woman with no guilt, period. You have nothing to offer me or anyone like me and no, middleaged, Oprah fueled fabulousness is not special nor is your ability to produce power points.“I feel it when I’m tired of my job and imagine plowing ahead another twenty-five years or so with no breaks from the workplace. God forbid we quit a job before finding another one, especially in an ageist job market, despite how much we may need a break.”
Yes well you wanted a mans life and choose that for yourself and what you describe men have done for literally thousands of years. Work sucks, that is why they pay you for it. If work was entertaining and fun you would pay the employer for same just like you pay to go to Disney world or for other entertainment. The only difference here between you and the entire male sex is that we are expected to keep it up, while shutting up, even if we really want a ‘break’ and keep doing this until we are dead. You think you deserve actualy *sympathy* for such a position? How many men in your office will work themselves to death? Mans life – work until you die – no excuses. You girls wanted this claiming that we were somehow denying you something because we were afraid of you beating us in it or whatever. Well – now you have it. Enjoy. “It’s time to think about these long, undefined periods of life and imagine what can be done with them other than more of the same (especially those of us who aren’t busy caring for families):” No it is time for work especially for you princess not so much anymore. You chose a career, fine, shutup, showup, and work. You are not entitled to a ‘break’ while others work to support you and your stupid decisions. You are not entitled to sympathy, money, time off or anything else. You must work for your bread because that is the life you chose. We men do not have a choice in this – you did – and you chose our path. Now you live and die with it and I hope you enjoy a fine 3+ decades of cat ownership. Perhaps the next generation will do better – or rather they will if you and your kind would actually warn them rather than trying to pull them into hell with you. Good day… |
You have to wonder what he was subjected to in his childhood to create this kind of attitude. I’ll bet Dad was also angry & insecure. Poor guy … these cycles just go on and on, with one generation teaching hatred & contempt to the next. You can bet that’s what his kids, if he has any, are getting a good dose of. This kind of person will sadly never know love, be it between friends, family, or in a romantic relationship. The honesty shared in this blog is all about enlightenment: It’s honest, difficult, and it’s the only path that can lead to any kind of emotional freedom. And it is threatening to those filled with hatred, for they see what they fear they can never have. Corny as it sounds, I will pray for him.
Ranty, I’m sorry that your eyes have to fall on these posts when they pop up. I’m glad you showed us what you’ve been reading (& deleting) without us even knowing.
There’s been a couple along the same lines in response to this post, but I’ve decided to toss them in the trash. Same old stuff. I have deleted a few before today, but thankfully there haven’t been more than a few.
He is obviously very angry and you have become his innocent target. You, of course, didn’t deserve it as you are in general, not putting men down, but just sharing your experience. However, and I know I might be clobbered about this, but I do believe the men’s movement has real grievances. For one he is absolutely right that men have much less freedom in regards to work and career. A man will work himself to the bone because they is what is expected of him from society and of himself. Men also will take the hard, dirty non glamorous jobs that women would not touch. Women can choose to not work and still keep respect from society and self-respect. Women DO have more freedom here and men have a much greater burden. I can understand his irritation on this point…asking for time off when most men cannot even think to ask for this for it as it would be seen as almost “shameful”. It’s irritating because many women demand equality but then when given it, want special exemptions at the same time, just because they are female. It’s like they only want the privileges of equality but not the hard work or burdens. I would agree that this isn’t fair. That can get irritating! Also, more men than women commit suicide…I think that one lone fact shows there is no real special priviege for men. If life as a man were so much easier, so much more privileged why do more of them kill themselves?
Having said that the phrase “cock carousel” is very rude and very vulgar.
I guess it’s true that modern women do have many more partners but not all of us do. Just because we are single does not mean we have slept around. And even if a woman does, if she is respectful with her partners, why the anger?
I think this writer is reacting from women like my neighbor. Let’s call her “N”. “N” is a really intellectual, fun, older woman. She is still sought after by men. But what I realized about “N” with all her good qualities she has one that is scary. She truly hates men. She has actually said to me she feels they have no value and that women are better at everything. She constantly rails against them. I’ve never met a woman like this before! The men around her are trying to be loving to her but all she sees is sexism. Even though when she makes a great living, when going out on a date, she demands that the guy pay every time even if he earns less because she is angry about the whole 70% issue in regards to income ratios between men and women (which many debate). In other words…she puts politics before people. She sees men as objects instead of individuals, the same thing feminists decry about men. I can see how this type of women is making men very angry.
As a guy I’ll say we do come across these types. Unfortunately, it’s in our formative years and usually with the older women we meet in high school and in college — teachers, guidance counselors, and professors who see sexism everywhere and men as “the enemy.”
If you want to get to the root of why a lot of men seem angry, it really is women like the one you referenced, who leave their mark early on in the lives of young men, often warping entire worldviews and souring attitudes. There have been several books written about how the education system views being male as a pathological condition to be “diagnosed.”
By the way, I almost never came across this type of woman in any workplace I ever spent time in. Women doing productive things like design, sales, engineering, etc. don’t seem to have time for political b.s. I think the education types like to invent problems because if there are no problems, they can’t justify getting more money for their school districts.
Just my two cents.
Thanks for your comments, but just to reiterate that it was a man writing (in the original article) that he wanted some time off from his job and thought that middle-aged people (of both genders) should be granted sabbaticals.
??? I thought this was a letter sent to you in response to your post.
Yes, it was, but in that post I had linked to and quoted from an article written by a man in which he was advocating for time off from the workplace.
Yogagurl, I’m assuming you’re talking about married women having the freedom to choose not to work? Being single, I am aware that I have to work at any job I can get since there is no one to fall back on. I’m sure my girlfriends – married or single – would also do what they needed to do to support themselves or their families. That being said, I would agree that there are a lot of entitled women out there. Our media/culture seems to promote this quality which is pretty discouraging. Being a feminist, I’d argue that this impacts women just as negatively as men.
re: male suicide. My take on this has always been that it’s due to the difficulty men have opening up about their feelings, whereas women can get much needed support more easily by connecting emotionally with others. Men are far less likely to seek medical/mental health treatment which puts them at much greater risk.
The anger in the Bitter Boob post was pretty deep-seated. My guess is it originates much earlier than some tough lessons learned as an adult. Otherwise, he would’ve presented his thoughts less venomously.
Your neighbor certainly sounds like doozy! You hafta wonder why she even bothers dating? Any man that continues to pursue her clearly has his own issues!
Oh I don’t deny his anger is deep seated. Not at all. Just saying I can understand why (some) men are angry. And yes, most? women have to work but I am saying when there is enough money in the family unit, it is very socially acceptable for women to not work whereas for men it’s not as. Men really get a lot of self esteem from their work, good or bad, which can cause them to forego everything else to retain it.
And yes, agree with you about men not opening up to feelings! That is one of the reasons they suffer more. I personally am glad I don’t have the pressures men have. I think in some areas of life they have much more of a burden.
In answer to your question…yes. I am speaking about the social ramifications of not working male vs. female. Females have way more latitude in this area vs males.
It all gets so complicated, doesn’t it? I’m not much ‘in the know’ these days, but I don’t hear men complain about having to work. I think it’s more in response to feeling inadequate (which probably speaks to your initial point and maybe even to Boob’s point – sorry Boob, but you’ve been branded!). How much of their insecurity, however, is in direct response to actually being belittled by a woman vs. them just resenting that many women are successful and this makes them feel insecure? The current blog is a good case in point – ranty never made disparaging remarks about men, but look at the ugliness of Boob’s response. I think there’s a generalized anger toward women because we’re supposed to be the ‘inferior’ sex and modern society has turned that on it’s head.
Also, women have it just as hard when there are children. Isn’t it socially acceptable for the bulk of the housework/childrearing to fall on the woman. So, don’t we all have our burdens? I’d go one step further and say at least men can get those intangible rewards from working (on top of financial) – a sense of purpose, accomplishment, bonding with others, identity/pride, etc. I’d be hard-pressed to say women derive those kind of rewards after a day of vacuuming!
good points blue moon
Oh I know women have their burdens. I never said that. Just saying that men have their own special burdens and pain as well and that it is often ignored. Many feminists feel they are always “on top” of everyone else and life just because they are male. I don’t believe that for a second. I think most men live lives of pressure, special pressures women don’t have (but women DO have their own pressures). I was just saying that in terms of work, if there is enough money in the family, women are freer to not work and still be respected than men are. They can still have their self esteem intact. I don’t believe men have the same freedom and thus it’s a responsibility they have that we don’t. Look, there is pain everywhere, I am just not denying men’s pain. That post, as imbalanced and inappropriate as it was, is a result of that pain. A lot of it is justified IMO.
Blue Moon…men don’t complain because they don’t feel they should. It would be “unmanly” to complain about this. Plus as we discussed before, they do not feel as free to discuss feelings. No, a masculine man is not going to complain about having to work. A masculine man is going to take it in the chin and do what it takes to feed his family, no matter how dirty, hard or dangerous the work is.
What you are saying is true, YG. I just don’t think that double-standard is why he’s angry. Sure, on a day-to-day basis he may not want to get out of bed. Or, he might want a 6 month break, etc. But I think the *anger* comes from somewhere else. I think there is generalized anger at women. Especially if a man feels she is smarter/more successful than he. I don’t think Boob was vitriolic because he has to work – that anger is about being made to feel “less than” because ranty had the gall to believe she had choices.
Unfortunately, although crudely and angrily worded,,,he’s more right than wrong in his assessment. No one gets to have it all, and anyone ( feminists) that tells you otherwise is lying or trying to sell you something.
If you read through my blog (admittedly, a daunting task at this point) you will realize the last thing I want is to “have it all”! My problem with his comment is that he hasn’t read my blog but has charged over here with his assumptions about “career women.” I believe my writing is too complex for him to comprehend, as it covers politics, and the environment, and overpopulation, and the economy, and how all these things impact the ability to have a family or even a life (and I cover multiple points of view on these topics, which I guarantee his ilk is unable to fathom– I believe reading comprehension is on a huge decline, at least on the internet).
That said, in the last year I’ve had no less than four friends marry and have babies at the ages of 39, 41, and 42 after several relationships and career changes, so he’s actually incorrect that all women will end up cat ladies if they don’t marry young…
I may be misinformed (highly possible!) but I’ve never heard a ‘feminist’ promote the idea that anybody can ‘have it all’. I thought the definition of feminism was simply ‘equal rights for women’. Equal pay for equal work. Equal right to vote. Equal right to make decisions about how to live one’s life. NOT “gimmee gimmee gimmee”.
From a man’s perspective, most men are not threaten by a women success or being more college educated, its doesn’t threaten us because men are not attracted to that, their attracted to your looks.
yogagurl is right, men do have complaints we don’t like to voice it because its seen as coward behavior by other men.
I have a side job in retail, i’m the only man, guess what, I do all the dirty work, cleaning toilets, climbing a tall ladder to change bulbs, Etc, (not part of my job) because the other women think its beneath them. I don’t like it one bit but I don’t complain.
Sounds pretty irritating, this_is_me. I hope you find a way to throw down that toilet brush and demand some equality!! Every feminist knows that the fairness of equality in both directions is what’s important!
Also sounds like you have a pretty solid sense of self. Perhaps the men I am referring to don’t.
(I have a full time day job in Human Service just to put that out there)
The store I work at has a lot of problems and it all begins with management. They lack professionalism, the manager does not close weeknights or weekends unless she somehow has to. I don’t know how the DM let her get away with that. I feel bad for the other Asst. Managers because they end up picking up the slack. And one of the Asst. Manager should have been written up 10 times eons ago and terminated from her position.
It has nothing to do with office politics or even feminist beliefs, it boils down to character, and these women just have poor character when it comes down to work duties and responsibilities.
When I first started working there the toilet was disgusting, it was crusty and completely dark brown; the women obviously pissed and shit on for months and months but none of them wanted to be the one to clean it up.
I only started cleaning it on my own because it was disgusting and unsanitary to let it get that dirty and stay that way.
Reveling in bitter glee at the perceived misfortunes of others…He might as well have saved his time and just written “I’m a tiny, tiny man”.
And I don’t quite get why the idea that an intelligent, independent woman would have nothing to offer him is something worth bragging about? I do agree with him on it, mind, I can’t imagine any intelligent woman has ever given him a second look.
You creative thinkers/writers always amaze me! Lol!