lonelyland
by rantywoman
http://www.examiner.com/article/loneliness-and-the-city
Life in Los Angeles can be especially lonely because it is a city that covers a large geographical area. While the City of Angels offers its residents plenty of daytime excursions and nightlife attractions, the traffic-ridden freeways can turn a casual outing into a road trip. Not only is it difficult to meet a suitable mate, developing friendships with other females can be a challenge as well. There is an inherent flakiness in Angelenos. People make plans, but are more likely to cancel them because they don’t want to endure hours of traffic trying to reach their destination. Additionally, most people come to Los Angeles with an agenda, usually to work in show business. Success requires focus and determination. All of one’s energy can be consumed striving to achieve personal goals and leave little time for socialization.
http://thegreenactress.blogspot.com/2009/04/lonely-city.html
Los Angeles is a lonely city. All day long people run errands, shop for clothes, eat in crowded restaurants, drive, work, and come home – alone. I spend the majority of my time alone, and no matter how much I tell myself that it’s a good thing or how much I get accomplished, I still feel lonely. I have two miniature dachshunds, Paisley and Rocket, and for some reason I look at them sometimes and get the sense that they feel alone and wish we lived with more people.
What a nice young woman. No pretenses. She just tells the truth, she feels lonely.
At 50, single and without children, I seem unable to escape loneliness. Are there people I could spend time with if I picked up the phone? Yes. Many, in fact. Well, maybe just ‘several’ at this point. I find that my mind travels in directions most of them aren’t really interested in pursuing so, anymore, the act of putting large chunks of myself aside in order to spend an evening with someone is no longer acceptable. The outcome is weekend after weekend spent alone which is hard enough, but now I’ve discovered there’s something worse. Hiding my reality. This has an even sharper pain associated with it because it involves a lie, about me, spoken aloud. While lonely, I can waste time in order to hasten its passing. If motivated or not too down, I can enjoy working on a project or reading a book. But when colleagues repeatedly ask about my weekend or what my vacation plans are for the summer, I have to cover up the struggle which makes it all the more real. Hiding this central theme of my reality from my one good friend is also a challenge. It feels like such a betrayal of the closeness we share, but she would worry and feel guilty … possibly make pity plans with me. I don’t want any of that so the one person in the entire world with whom I can be completely authentic with, I still can’t.
Welcome. I do understand how you feel. I currently don’t have close friends I can talk about these issues with, thus the blog!
Oh, I am touched by what you say. I think it’s important we are able to air the truth about our lives to someone. Yet it can be so hard because it involves letting our guard down and possibly being hurt or shamed or, like you said, burdening others.
I am in a “group” with a couple of women and it is so healing. We are able to talk about really deep things without judgment. It’s so freeing. It’s so important to be able to do this so at least you are not alone from yourself. It took awhile for us to get there but we are there and it’s a blessing.
There is a book by Emily White called “Lonely: A Memoir” or sometimes “Lonely: Learning to live with solitude” depending on your country. In it she describes that exact same situation, loneliness combined with the feeling that one must hide that loneliness from others. It is not specifically what you’d call a self help book, but it does give a person the understanding of how normal and common feelings and situations regarding loneliness in fact are, which I personally find helpful. Instead of sweeping the subject under the carpet as being too uncomfortable Ms White explores it fully and with plenty of background research and personal input from herself and others.
This is a quote from her website: “Right now, loneliness is something few people are willing to admit to. There’s no need for this silence, no need for the shame and self-blame it creates. There’s nothing wrong with loneliness, and we need to start acknowledging this through a wider and more open discussion of the state.”
I must say I agree with her one hundred percent.
I agree, that is a good book.
Thanks for your responses, everyone. Nice to have a place where I am understood … I will check out that book, too. This is not a topic I ever imagined myself having to grapple with : / and honestly, it seems so silly given the enormity of other issues in the world.
No it’s not unimportant. They both matter. Suffering matters whether it’s personal or global. I find the more healthy and happy I am the more I am able to give outward (ie. make the world a better place). But when I am suffering or feeling lonely and empty it’s much harder. A healthy happy population makes for a happier world.
I agree with Yoga Gurl. The world needs more happiness generally, and every little bit of happiness adds up and even goes towards creating more happiness.
Loneliness is a perfectly valid feeling and it doesn’t make any personal suffering less real just because there are people out there going through worse problems. The need for companionship and intimacy are basic human needs, no scholar on the subject will deny that, and not having them met does cause a very real discomfort. So please don’t think you are just being silly, and bravo to you, blueMoon, for admitting something that many don’t dare speak of.
If you are feeling lonely you are most certainly not alone in that. I do hope you can get a hold of the book, I think you will find a lot of people feel exactly as you do, and it also explains precisely why it is not necessarily “our fault” if we are suffering loneliness. When going into battle with a problem, I find it is best to be armed with as much knowledge on the subject as possible.