a mind of my own

by rantywoman

I’m friends with a man who would make a great boyfriend for someone.  He is unfailingly courteous and dependable, rare traits these days,  and he has a solid career.

We hang out occasionally, but I can’t date him myself, because I’m uninterested in his primary diversions, nor do I particularly respect them, outside of respecting his rights to his own passions.   I attended an event with him recently that I wasn’t particularly interested in, and I couldn’t experience the pleasure of deconstructing it with him without, I felt, insulting him, so I kept my thoughts to myself.  Later that week, however, I was able to discuss the event in an intellectually fulfilling manner with another acquaintance.

I suppose it is unusual for a woman to prioritize her own intellectual development in considering a mate.  Women in general are expected to mold themselves to a man’s life and interests, but I’ve never been able to do so, unless his life and interests appeal to me in the first place.

This streak only gets stronger as I age.