never married, over forty, a little bitter


A friend of mine who works full-time, makes a modest income, doesn’t live near any family, and is without a partner went to a sperm bank a few years ago and got pregnant on her first try.  She’s gay so perhaps she is not hung up on the nuclear family concept, but considering her paltry savings account, I couldn’t decide if she was brave or foolish.  She went on to have a beautiful healthy baby, and motherhood seems to suit her.

She called the other day to complain about her job and another failed relationship.  She then mentioned that she had gone back to the sperm bank and gotten pregnant again.

It’s funny how differently people respond to situations.  The last thing I would want to do in her situation is have another child, as I would feel that would just chain me to my unhappy circumstances, while she obviously feels that a baby adds light and love to an otherwise dreary position.

She is still unusual in my world, however, as the other women I know got a partner in place before a child.

tough spot

shelf life

Do we lose our desire for romantic passion?  Certainly my desire has passed its peak but it hasn’t disappeared completely; the right person can reignite it.  I know women in their seventies and eighties who still pine and women in their forties who no longer give a toss.  I don’t think that desire is in the driver’s seat any longer in my life, but it’s still simmering.

Related article here, on Elizabeth Wurtzel, written by a man who impresses me as a bit bitter himself:

Not getting this rather obvious fact:  for a woman (or a man, for that matter, but particularly for a woman, given the time frames involved) to base her life and identity and value and enjoyment and so on around her sex appeal and hot sex with numerous men and so on is to live a self-defeating life.  Wurtzel rightly realizes, perhaps finally, that beauty and sex appeal have a shelf life that, for women, is somewhat shorter than it is for men.  Yet she draws the completely wrong lesson from this.  The lesson is not that life is unfair (although it can seem so, to everyone at some stage, for different reasons), or that life has no more point after sex appeal fades!  It rather obviously means that sex appeal is but one part of a fully lived life, and surely not the central part, given that it is a rather fleeting thing.  The obviousness of this truth remains apparently  elusive even for the more introspective than average Wurtzel — something which makes me think it is a truth being rather deliberately avoided.