never married, over forty, a little bitter


Learning lessons in one’s twenties feels valuable.  As the NY Times article on “emerging adulthood” mentioned, the twenties is a growth-oriented, self-focused time of life.  As a twentysomething, one feels that lessons can be applied in a timely manner and lead to future success.

Learning lessons in one’s forties is a more muddled experience.  On the one hand, I suppose it’s a plus that I have grown emotionally from the experience of being an “outsider” as a single, childless adult.   On the other hand, painful growth at this stage feels a bit pointless.

At least growth through meditation feels good– there’s that.



I was a fan of Sex and the City, but like many people, was disappointed by the unlikely ending to the series.  Given my experience as a long-term single, I think a more realistic ending would have looked like this:

Carrie would have lost touch with Big years before, only to find out that, at 50, he married a 35-year-old, had two kids, and described his new family as finally giving “meaning” to his life.

As the two ever-singles, Carrie and Samantha would go through a tempestuous period and eventually stop speaking to each after one mammoth fight.

Much to Carrie’s surprise and dismay, stalwart, feminist Miranda would disappear on her after marriage and motherhood.

Charlotte’s friendship would prove surprisingly enduring, but evenings with her would involve staying at home with her children, which, for Carrie, would have limited appeal.

Carrie would realize that writing a dating column into her forties was a losing proposition and so would agree to move to Paris with the dashing Frenchman.  The relationship would become difficult, but she would hang on long enough to become somewhat, but not completely, comfortable in Paris.  She would realize it’s difficult to start over in your forties.

The relationship would eventually end, but Carrie would stay on in Paris, all the while wondering if she should return to New York and fretting that maybe it’s true that “you can never go home again.”

Miranda would reestablish a long-distance connection after getting divorced.

The End