holding out

by rantywoman

A friend of mine recently had a baby within a relationship that is somewhat rocky.  A few weeks ago she told me that her partner said that, bottom line, he doesn’t respect her.  His statement may be the breaking point for her.

My first reaction from the conversation was disbelief that two people would have moved ahead with having a child in such a relationship.   Then I remembered having numerous conversations with my friend about her relationship, and one of the things I told her was to be aware that if she waits for the right situation to have a child, there is a possibility that she will miss the opportunity to have one.  I didn’t say this to instill fear in her but in the sense of exploring her situation from all angles and looking at her options.  I explained that I had held out, and while I believe it was the right decision for me, I ended up childless.

There’s such a small window of time available to get one’s ducks in a row in order to have a child, that I’d be surprised if any woman felt she was as ready as she would like to be.  Not only do you have to find a compatible partner, but ideally you would both be economically and emotionally prepared for parenting.

I used to believe that my chances of having a family were increasing with each failed relationship and each passing year in that I was growing more mature and experienced and economically stable.  Up to a point that may have been true, but earlier than I realized my chances began to narrow as the pool of partners became smaller and biologically I was passing my reproductive prime.

Life in general is that way.  By the time I feel like I’ve really started to figure things out, I will probably be in my dotage.