Ever since I turned thirty, I have repeatedly encountered men who, within the first ten minutes of the first date, will let it be known that they are in some way or another broke– up to their eyeballs in debt or school loans, wiped out by a divorce, experiencing a suspended bout of underemployment, or hating their jobs and planning to quit. It’s as if they want me to know right off the bat, before we go any further, that they cannot or will not be the breadwinner type.
I don’t think those kinds of confessions are appropriate right away, and I always feel a little awkward and deflated by them, although I am sympathetic that these men think that they are mainly valued for their wallets. In the last few years their rushed confessions have often compelled me to disclose, in turn, that I have grown weary of my career and hope to make some kind of change within the next few years. I seem to detect that this is received poorly, but I cannot play the solvent, highly-paid, in-love-with-my-job-and-could-do-it-forever woman that they seem to want me to be. The last part of that description would be a lie.
Perhaps they then see me as another burden they don’t need, whereas I see their awkward honesty as at least revealing the potential for a new kind of relationship, one in which two people pull their resources to either escape the rat race or make it more bearable.
In any case, I am highly practical financially and they needn’t worry that I would be a money drain; however, things rarely progress with these men to a point where they could find that out. Unfortunately I’ve found most of them just don’t have the fortitude to go through with a relationship, as they seem to feel like they aren’t good candidates for one.