I used to be friends with a very pretty, smart, successful woman with an enviable career. She was just a few years younger than me and, like me, she couldn’t find a relationship that was right for the long haul and had one disappointing encounter after another with online dating.
In fact, when we compared notes, it seemed our experiences were almost identical. We even dated some of the same men! I admit that it heartened me to know that someone seemingly so desirable was going through the same gristmill. I had so few single friends left at that point with whom to compare experiences.
Our friendship broke up for a number of reasons, but one of the things she used to complain about was that we only talked about dating. I reflected seriously on her complaint, because I had another single friend at the time with whom I discussed much wider topics. I realized that often when I brought up other topics with this friend, she didn’t bite, and vice versa. We just didn’t have a lot of other things in common.
What I wanted to say to her, but didn’t have the guts to, was, “So what? Let’s just be there for each other when it comes to dating.” One of the things that is stressful about dating at this age is not having friends along with you–people who can relate to what you are going through. It’s so much lonelier and scarier without that.