I’m familiar with the common ambivalence amongst black people in the U.S. about “making it” in a white man’s world. They quite understandably have mixed feelings about striving to succeed in a society that has historically excluded and even terrorized them.
I don’t mean to suggest that my sense of exclusion as a single woman is nearly on that same par, but I now get that ambivalence on a personal level. Would I want to get hitched and hang out in the world of the “smug marrieds” at this point? A world that has marginalized me for at least my last decade? I don’t know. It would be nice, I suppose, to be married, and perhaps even necessary. But the smug part I certainly want no part of.