When I picked my friend up tonight, there were several young couples hanging out in the yard across from her with their young children. She told me that all three mothers were best friends and the fathers were also friends, and they hung out together all the time with their young children. I had an intense internal reaction of, “Oh, that’s what married people do while all these years I sit home alone.”
It is a fear of mine, that couples have a rich social life of going on vacations together, inviting each other to parties, etc., while my social life is barren. I also fear that all my former friends, most of whom I never hear from, still keep in close contact with each other because they are married with kids. I do have evidence for these fears. On the other hand, I have friends who have married and had children and then complained to me that they had a terrible time making friends with other wives and mothers and felt very isolated and lonely.
My friend, who is 38 and recently divorced after fifteen years, said something very interesting to me last night. She said that marriage had been quite boring and insular and it had consisted solely of hanging out with other couples. I told her my view, that while I had certainly had a lot of adventures I couldn’t have had if I had married young and that I had a decent social life with other singles in my twenties and early thirties, after about 33 or so it had been one long, lonely slog socially, and I felt I had my nose pressed up against the glass of married life.
I fear this friend is going to be terribly disappointed, entering the social scene again at 38. On the other hand, divorced people seem to find each other quickly enough and remarry. They understand the world of marriage, would be my guess.
As for me, my dating pool gets smaller and smaller, because I prefer never-married men without children, like myself. I just can’t relate as well to men who have spent decades in the world of marriage. It has not been my scene, so to speak, and having been shut-out by it, I have ambivalent feelings about that whole world now.