I always thought that once I hit my early forties and my fertility was at its end, I would be much happier, as the decision would be made once and for all. This is pretty much what has come to pass.
Sometimes things get easier when hope is gone:
I’ve seen good women spend years in this particular torture chamber which I call ‘the tunnel’. I did time there, and it’s not somewhere I’d go back to, not even for a day. Being on the other side of the fertility window has its advantages, and no longer being ‘hopeful’ is definitely one of them!